My brain has been something of a broken record the last while.  Phrases and images of short duration have been repeating themselves continuously. I’ve come to wonder if, like a sick child, my brain can’t keep any of my memories down. Rather, my brain is regurgitating past thoughts, spitting out chunks of old haiku poems, dirty fantasies, and random tidbits of information.

One of the most common sets of words that have been popping up has been “gay sensation”. Over and over again this simple pair of words has come to the surface of my thoughts, and only today have I stopped to think about what this might mean. When I think about these words I’m forced to wonder what it takes to be a gay sensation, and why, as with all buzz words and tags, has this seemingly innocent pair, come to incorporate itself into so many recent “newsworthy” events.

From a Vancouver standpoint some of these newsworthy events include: Vancouver’s Next Gay Top Model, Mr. Gay Canada, and most recently, the unabashed promotion of Peter Breeze, some young twinky looking triple threat whose music makes my ears hurt. But, it seems to be only my ears a hurtin’ because the gay community seems to be backing him up full force. And, good on them for backing up a comrade who has probably paid his dues in the Western Canadian gay circuit.  After all, it is the gay way isn’t it?

Well frankly, I probably wouldn’t know anyways. Everything I’ve ever learned about the “gay way” I learned from Xtra West, late night movies on Showcase, and my rare physical encounters with the gay community. Until recently I have been a gay man, totally immersed in a straight person’s world. Granted I have the odd chum of my sexual persuasion, but we’ve inevitably ended up in bed with each other, and inevitably gone our separate ways. I’ve only recently hit my gay puberty, coming to terms with the fact that every gay man deserves to be a part of a world that he may have shied away from previously. I suppose I’ve been hiding behind my own misperceptions of the gay community for way too long as well. I’ve been hiding behind all my straight friends, completely comfortable in my sexuality, but a stranger in my own life none the less.

Maybe all these reasons are why I find it so easy to pass judgment on the gay community, or perhaps it is just my overriding cynicism, but as I begin to engage as a gay debutante in a whole new world, I should at the very least give all this gay hysteria a chance, shouldn’t I?

My alien presence in this world is still too apparent, I can’t help but be completely skeptical about what it really takes to be a true sensation in today’s world. Is it enough to be a talentless hack, but ride in a chariot of gayness? I guess it’s too early for me to tell, and perhaps the longer I spend in this brave new gay world, the more my tastes will change too. Perhaps what sounded, or looked amazing today will waste away behind my spanking new rose-colored glasses. Perhaps my belly will tighten further than ever before and my pecks will blossom in perfect symphony with my ass. Perhaps one day too, I will become a gay sensation.

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