I recently received a comment on an article that I wrote a couple of months ago.  This comment had me walking down Main Street, completely transfixed into the screen of my Blackberry.  What I assumed was simple praise or criticism, turned out to be a whopping volume of words titled FUCKIN’ FAGGOTS!

I won’t copy the article itself, but if you would like to read it for yourself check out the comments at the bottom of this page.

Anyways, the comment referred to the bashing of Ritchie Downie in the West End.  I quickly read the work that referred to the events that transpired surrounding this attrocity and reflected on the comment that was written at the bottom of my article.  Although I was left with a sickening feeling at the pit of my stomach about the attack, there was also something unnerving about the comment itself.

Really, I was left flabbergasted, not by the events that caused such an expression into my comment field, but more by the tone of the comment itself.  Of course I’m disgusted by the things that happen surrounding my life, and the lives of those in the gay community, I’m disgusted by any heinous crime.  But I’m confused about what the comment is attempting to tell me.  What is it about the article on Vancouver’s Next Gay Top Model that inspired you to write this piece for me?  Are you searching out every gay related website in Vancouver and sharing this piece of writing with them, or do you feel something about what I chose to write, or the way in which I chose to conduct my writing?  I could have clearly mistaken the intention of the comment, but I somehow felt a little judged.

So maybe I’m lucky.  Maybe I’m fortunate enough to have not dealt with a ton of adversity in my life.  Therefore to some people out there who are older and more educated of the way the gay-niverse, I seem to run around taking advantage of everything that others who came before me had to fight to acquire.

I don’t know.  I’m probably just looking way too deep into something that was more self-promotion than a judgment, but frankly I disagree.  Shit happens, horrible, hateful shit happens all the time.  Guns are fired, people are violated, and hate is disbursed upon its undeserving victims.  I still value the city that I live in, and all the rights and freedoms that I have because of where I live.  I still believe that we are all wrapped together in the fabric of this place and that sometimes there are holes.  I am a firm believer that my sexuality does little to define me as a person, and perhaps this is why I have such a hard time reading something that comes from such a emotionally steady gay voice.  I am not my sexuality.  It has never and will never define me.

I understand your rage towards this occurrence of senseless violence.  But, I will never let it fill me with such rage that I in turn become something that I’m not.  I will never let my rage become me, and I defy your implications that it should.

After reading an article on homorazzi.com recently (which by the way is frieking awesome if you haven’t already checked it out), I was touched deeply.  The article was regarding the “gay stigma”, and after finishing reading it, I was inclined to comment myself.  I love comments, they’re a lovely surprise, and a welcome confirmation that people out there are reading and reacting to what you’ve written, whether good or bad, it’s always a nice surprise.

I suppose the lesson here is that I should never let the thoughts of others shape the work that I so desire to purvey to my audience.  I’m sure the gay community has a lot to say about the ways in which I chose to live.  And I in turn will continue to criticize the gay community.  I have no interest in living in a world that is devoid of all fun, devoid of criticism, and devoid of the commentary that I hold dear.

You can keep your sterile world, and I’ll stick to the dust and the mud.